taken from [livejournal.com profile] xjapanfangrl

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything.

Post anonymously. Speak honestly. Post as many times as you like. IP logging is off.

From: (Anonymous)

I feel bad for killing spiders but I kill them anyway. :(

From: [identity profile] littlelamb.livejournal.com

possibly. i am single.

unless you want them for your body. then no, these scarred bbs r speshul.

From: (Anonymous)

i can has orgasm on your scarred bbs? boner duz like that idea!

From: (Anonymous)

yes it's me, freeparking. i'm a sick pervert please block me, i hate you anyway, and your dogs. >:)

From: (Anonymous)

i'm scared at work because i fear everyone thinks i'm stupid and not doing a good job and the worst thing is i don't believe that but i feel like it is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

which is sad because this is a dream job and a happy environment. i wish i weren't so insecure. but i've been weak for such a long time, i dunno how to be otherwise.

From: (Anonymous)

I have major depression and get panic attacks almost every morning.
When I have them I worry that I will end up in a hospital or someday give in to my suicidal impulses. They become normal. I almost loose myself, and reality. I get so deeply caught in the fucked-upedness that is this disease.

I hate how I cant tell people about what is happening and having to cover it up. Surviving your life is very different from living it. I am to the point where I am loosing hope of ever being cured.

From: (Anonymous)

You were responsible for my accepting the 'darker side of me', and for that I thank you.

You're going to be a very successful person. I can't say I've met someone with this much motivation, this much know how, who is actually applying what she knows to further/improve herself, and where she wants to go in life. You are an inspiration...in more ways than one ;)

From: [identity profile] littlelamb.livejournal.com

aw, thanks. i'm glad we're both having fun and hopefully, both doing what we like to do with our careers. i know i am!

From: (Anonymous)

I feel like you're one of the few people I can be completely honest with (1 out of maybe 3.) So... I'm having a difficult time decide what to write. I really like you. You're so impressive and always cheer me up and make me laugh.

From: (Anonymous)

A while ago I wrote about you "She's become over time one of my favorite LJ peeps and it frequently pains me that all of her entries are f/o, because she writes stuff that people need to read." (Coincidentally it was like a week before you revealed the book was coming out.) I think you have a real talent for communicating depression, issues of personal pain. Not just making it sound funny. I don't bring it up because I don't know how to describe it any better than that and "me think you talk good" is probably a f'list given. Plus I guess "hey you are super-good at depression" doesn't seem like the most enjoyable compliment. But what I think is that you have the linguistic ability to connect with people who are in pain and to translate something human to people who don't feel so connected with the rest of humanity.

From: [identity profile] littlelamb.livejournal.com

thanks, that means a lot to me. well, i hate to be all "aren't i special?" but, one of the things i'll always take the greatest pride in was the person at nightwatch saying i use trauma to heal trauma.

From: (Anonymous)

I've been depressed for so long, it feels strange to be happy, so I stir up trouble to stay in my (paradoxical) comfort zone.

I have no idea what I want out of life and every time I think about it I feel like I'm choking.

I want a baby more than anything else in the world.

I want to bleed until I pass out.

I'm 18 and I think I might like to die young.

From: [identity profile] zombified.livejournal.com

You're eighteen goddamned years old; of course you don't know what you want out of life. If you had any idea what Lin has been through and how close she's come to "dying young", you'd think otherwise. But being a spoiled, immature shitbag, you have no idea and think it's cool to wallow around in an emo pool of self-pity. As far as bleeding until you pass out, try being on blood thinners like I am. That's an actual danger that I live with. Get a fucking clue and have some respect.

You're too young and stupid for a child. You ARE a child.

From: (Anonymous)

I feel like no one wants to have anything to do with me. Even though I do have friends that love me.

From: [identity profile] littlelamb.livejournal.com

aw. i'm sure that people care and want to be supportive of you. but i understand that feeling. it's difficult not to be self conscious, sometimes.

From: (Anonymous)

i just stumbled across your journal and figured it would be good for me to finally have someone to tell this to.

though i'm a pretty happy person right now and love my life and life in general, sometimes i get intensely lonely and just want to have someone to spend time with, friend, lover, whatever. i have friends, but there's usually some kind of catch, or at the very least, they aren't around. like right now. it's beautiful out and i really want something to do, but all the solitary things i would do involve money, which i don't have right now. parks, nature, riding my bike, etc. are all great, but i've done so much of that alone and just want to do it with someone else.

and then there's the fact that if i end up not having plans on a random weekend night, i usually end up drinking. this is okay, because i don't have a problem drinking alone and i don't do it because i'm lonely, but what it does is intensifies the loneliness and the desire to have someone to be spending time with. so i'll sometimes go out to bars, but i have no idea how to approach people, and the fact that i get along better with girls just means that even if knew how to approach a girl at a bar, it's likely she'd think i was trying to hit on her. usually i just hope someone will approach me. it's happened before, but it rarely seems to these days, so i go home, alone, frustrated, and sad.

that's one aspect of it. the other is that i've discovered that i'm sort of addicted to intimacy. that is, to sharing things with people that are exclusive to me and that person. it doesn't have to be a lover, it can be a friend, but i love having things that are exclusive to me and that person, and it makes me want to keep meeting new people so i can continue having such things to share with others. to have that kind of connection with someone else.

and since i'm airing all of my issues, and because i think they're all actually connected, but i'm too close to be able to see exactly how, i also have trouble making friends with people that i'm not attracted to and wouldn't, if possible, like to have sex or at the very least cuddle with. i've lately been working on this, and i currently have a couple of friends that fit that description, but mostly i just keep wanting to find people where there is the possibility of that happening. where maybe in the future, we can just take a nap together, and be sort of affectionate. i usually don't even want it to lead to sex or even kissing, but there's a chance that i wouldn't turn that down either.

i keep thinking of more things to write, but i think i'm going to stop now, lest this turn into a novella.

From: [identity profile] littlelamb.livejournal.com

novellas are ok.

i'd read it. i'm not sure if you're ever going to check back and see if i've responded, but i thought i would anyway, just to provide some kind of support in the internet ether.

anyway, i don't think that it's so odd that someone would want companionship. it seems that so much of human nature is to want to be with other people and to be a part of society.

anyway, seems like there could be a lot worse problems than wanting to find someone to be with, which i think most people want sooner rather than later. ... or wanting to have a special relationship with your specific friends. even if that makes you seek out new relationships. perhaps you can turn it around and make it an asset and say that you're a people person adept at finding new connections with people. some people never connect or never delve beneath surfaces.

From: (Anonymous)

i did the tracking thing for this, so i'll see your responses when they come.

i just wanted to emphasize that the reason this is a big deal to me is because i have these random bouts of intense loneliness. the thing about intimacy upsets me in so far as i experience it as a need, and that need goes unfulfilled a lot of the time and it sucks. but the loneliness thing is actually more of an issue for me. i really want to either figure out how to feel okay to just enjoy things by myself, or attain enough friend-people such that there's always someone to spend time with. it'd be especially awesome to have a girlfriend right now, as that would solve a lot of these problems, but i definitely don't want to be specifically looking for that (and i also don't like the idea of a relationship being the answer to my problems), and i think it's unlikely to happen anytime soon anyway.

i don't know. i just don't want to sit around at home simply because i know that if i go out and do stuff, i'll just wish i was doing stuff with someone.

also, thank you for reading and responding to this. i don't expect you to have any "answers" or whatever, but it's good to be able to talk about this with someone.

From: [identity profile] littlelamb.livejournal.com

oh yeah. i often forget about tracking because my journal is so old, i experienced the vast majority of it without it. so i still think of anonymous commenting as something where there's no way to know when someone responds.

well, i always suggest that people ought to try to enjoy things by themselves so that they are more of a complete person. but i often wonder if i'm suggesting it not out of concern for peoples' co-dependency, but out of a selfish expression to validate my own solitariness. probably some people need to be around people, and probably some people manage to have relationships wherein it's not damaging to be around people all the time because they're naturally extroverted. probably this isn't a big deal if you manage a healthy balance and do not need to relationship hop or someone to "complete you" all the time.

loneliness is a natural feeling and keeps us from dangerous situations of over-isolation, sort of like fear or pain keeps us from dangerous situations. loneliness keeps us near social constructs when, even biologically speaking, people need people, and i don't mean it just in the sense that we "need" to reproduce to survive as a species. and i guess i'm probably getting philosophical about this because i've seen what happens to people when they become too adept at not being around other people. so experiencing a need for intimacy when there's no one around is probably something natural. but i've been known to overanalyze loneliness.

i dunno, i wouldn't be too hard on your "need" for someone else so long as your need doesn't translate to unhealthy, unbalanced relationships.

i think most people would find it "awesome" to have a significant other if they don't already. unless they've become significantly at ease with loneliness. and that's not always a good thing.


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